The Mad Scientist
by Aki Rei
Summary: Basically Watari and his experiments. Lots of madness ensues! WatTat
1. prologue

The Mad Scientist

Prologue

If you ask me, I think life is one big experiment.

You wanna know why?

It's because everyday we make different decisions. Different outcomes ensue when we change choices.

Experiments.

For risk takers, they take risks to see if that decision will bring them good fortune or luck. If it didn't, if it brought them bad fortune or luck, they won't do it again. Unless they're stupid.

Experiments.

If we don't know what's right and wrong, we usually ask around or we look around for facts. We draw conclusions from them. We act accordingly.

Experiments.

When we're in love or we simply want to make another being happy, we observe them carefully and make the hypothesis. Oh you know what kind of things they like, what makes them smile. All those little sappy things.  When we have proven our hypothesis, found out what their likes are and stuff, we do what we must.

Experiments.

Now these experiments we take in a particular portion of our life, makes up for what we are, how we become the person we are right now. It's like little bits and pieces of you that makes you one whole.

One big experiment. 

This gauges how successful we are in life, how we live it to the fullest, how we have no regrets……………

One big experiment. 

Suppose you believe me in all this crap about life being one big experiment, where do you think the heck do we conduct this? The world of course. The world, the environment we live in is our grounds.

So in a warped kind of sense, our world, our nature, our environment is our laboratory.

Our one big laboratory.

Now what do we do in our one big laboratory? Set loose mad scientists of course!!! What else were you thinking? Waste the beauty of the environment, of the laboratory by not pursuing to know where it came from, what it does and all that scientific crap? If you're thinking about anything but, I suggest you go to a psychiatrist. Quick!!!

Hmmm…… That sounds barbarous, calling the dedicated men of science mad! Let me amend that, as yours truly is a man of science himself and considers mischievous and dangerous experiments, tame in the name of science.

We are not mad scientists. We just like to know things, view things in a different perspective. Our overly enthusiastic ways are what sets us apart from those mediocre ones. So when I say the word 'mad' it's a compliment. Though mad, I use with the word scientist. If the two words are far apart…… Let's say, I call you mad, well what I mean is mad, mad as in hallucinatory, psycho…… definitely not a compliment.

So with that said, let's go on with the show!!!

Oh wait!! Before reading my log book, you know where I put data, hypothesis, conclusions, and rubbish, I'd like to let you know that the focus of my experiments is people. Stars of my log book are Bon, Tsuzuki, Tatsumi, Kachou, my owl (Now don't you laugh!! 003 might not fulfill your requirements to see a being as 'people' but she is!! I promise I could prove to you that she's got brains far more useful than yours!! ), my officemates (they star because they're always intertwined with the Bon-Tsuzuki saga) and myself of course!!!

So if you're mad enough to look for research here in my log book, let's say you have an assignment in chemistry and you feel that you might find an answer to the question, what is atom? Or you think you might find the formula for density, in my log book you are definitely, absolutely, right-on-the-mark wrong. That is the most boring part of research any scientist could venture to. And I'm definitely not boring. DEFINITELY.

So with that said, please don't send me notes asking me whether my log book has the answer for any scientific crap. And I absolutely could not tolerate notes telling me that my log book is useless!! I let a hair brained fellow read it once (Her initial starts with A.R.), and she _screamed at me, imagine that!! _Screamed_!! _

So, she yelled at the top of her lungs and flung my precious log book at me!!! The nerve!!! And you know what she said?! She said she wasted precious i-net time reading it!! And she said it was the most useless thing she had ever read!!! 

Gawd, if you could just see her…. She was mad with rage because she didn't finish her chemistry assignment on time…. Well, it wasn't my fault! She said if she could borrow my log book for some reading assignment. Being the genial man that I was, I let her borrow it….. Hmmmp. The ungrateful brat!!

So please… before venturing into the pages of my valuable, stunning log book be aware that it is of different nature and as I said contained experiments on the emotions, reactions, thoughts of several hand picked people (and owl!!) and therefore could not answer and cannot be of value for  useful research.

Hem, hem…. (clears throat) So on with the show!!!

t.b.c.

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A/N: Tell me what you think!!! Do you think I should continue? I got this idea from my other fic Could it be any Harder, I think it's in chapter four…. Where Watari made experiments…..


	2. of sweets and coffee

**~Page 1 of Watari's World of Wonders Experiments Log Book~**

**Subject: How important is the free food (a.k.a free sweets and coffee) in Meifu?**

**Notes: Hmm… Sounds uninteresting right? But I thought, everybody seems to love the sweets and some has practically lived beside the coffee machine. So I was thinking, what if all of these were taken away? Would we have some violent reactions? Some would cry, maybe? Or they won't even notice?**

That's plenty enough reason for me, I mean just to find out the reactions of these people, to continue on with this endeavor. So here are results which I find most satisfying.

**Experiment number 1.  Remove the coffee machine.**

This simple task took awhile. As I mentioned above, a few people has stationed themselves near the machine because they get refills every 5 minutes. (Don't ask me, I don't know where they put all that coffee either!) So I had to create a diversion. 

I've been working on this little darling of a mini bomb. Its causes a terrible, loud banging noise but doesn't emit smoke and doesn't cause fire. It just causes a ruckus because of its noise. So I discreetly got one from my pockets and threw it unceremoniously at Kachou's office. 

_WHAM!!! Within contact on the table it exploded. I thought I had made it far greater than I had thought it would be because it continued screaming, screeching and belching for 5 minutes. I only made it to last for 3. I realized that the extra 2 minutes was Kachou screaming, so I had to work quickly while I had the chance (The three occupants near the machine, Bon, Tatsumi and Wakaba had poked their noses inside the office to find out if Kachou needed help…), I grabbed the coffee machine plus the beans and dashed inside my lab._

With a snort of laughter I placed it at the top most cabinet for safe keeping and winked at 003. "You keep an eye on it for me!" I had said and she hooted indignantly as if saying it was a small job. To avoid being caught, I strode out of my lab and whistled when: WHAM!!! Kachou's fist had made contact with my head.

"I-Itai!!"

"Watari!!!" Kachou's unnatural loud voice was magnified ten times. I looked at him and yelped. He was madder than a deranged bull! His eyes were wide and red and his complexion was near purple… and was it just me? I swear I saw steam coming out of his nose and ears!!

"Ka-ka-Kachou!!!"

"Watari!! How dare you…" He said so fast that flecks of spit were flying in my face. I would have loved to point this out, but I don't think I can possibly make Kachou anymore madder. He raised a shaking hand to my eye level, for a moment there I thought he was going to hit me, but then he produced a long, green, saggy film.

"I found _this, this remnant of your experiment…"_

"It's not mine!!" I lied quickly.

"And don't you dare lie to me!!! Look it's patented under your name!!" Kachou spat out as he stretched what was left of the green film. It read: _Watari's world of great inventions_.

"Uh, Uh…" I stammered as I eyed all exits. _How stupid of me!! It completely left my mind that I always patent my works!!!_

"I'm going to kill you. I'm really going to!!!" Kachou yelled madly as he lunged for my neck. I stumbled and closed my eyes and waited for the blow and prayed: _Should I die again and be thrown in heaven or hell, one wish I only have, could I please bring my lab with me? _

Then as if a miracle had happened Kachou never did reached my neck. I opened my eyes and saw Bon struggling with all his might.

"Ka-Kachou!! The coffee, it's _gone_!!" Bon yelled as he restrained Kachou from getting me, or so I thought. Truth was he's pleading on his knees and was clutching at Kachou's leg as if asking him to get it back for him, PRONTO!

"So? And will you please let go off me? I have to finish him!!!" He said as he continued to trash around, throwing off blind kicks and punches and curses at me.

"No! Don't let go off him Hi-chan! I hadn't had my refill and I need one!! You find that machine or replace it!! I would just die!!" Wakaba shrieked as she stomped her feet on the ground forcefully. Tatsumi meanwhile was seated atop his table and was clutching his face. I went to him, seeing this as a chance to escape the still enraged Kachou who was luckily still being held by a pleading Bon.

"Tatsumi?" But he didn't hear me.

"Coffee, I need… Coffee, I need… I need" He repeated over and over again. I looked at him in worry. _He hasn't gone out of his mind didn't he? I was pondering that when a loud crash was heard in my lab._

"What was that?" Kachou snapped and calmed down. Then he eyed me triumphantly. 

"I'm going to get you for this one Watari!!! If I can't kill you then I'll destroy your lab!!! AHAHAHAHA…" Kachou said as he heaved himself and Bon and was fast approaching my lab.

"Kachou no!!! Please don't do this to me!! Just kill me if you will…" I pleaded as I trudged along them, Tatsumi and Wakaba on my trail.

"Need coffee. Get budget from treasury. Buy new one. Coffee…"

"Kachou if you don't get one I swear I'll hunt you down till the ends of the earth!!!" Wakaba threatened Kachou as she waved her index finger about. Kachou pried the lab door open and…

"What the?!!!" 003 was on the ground flying over the remnants of the coffee machine and the beans were scattered all over the floor.

"WATARI!!!" 3 pair of bulging red eyes came my way and all I could do was run. I didn't even reach the stairs when I felt Tatsumi's shadows engulf me. I was cornered.

"Look… I can explain…." I stammered as I looked into their revenge-hungry faces.

"Oh no, Watari-san, you've been very bad and you need to be taught a lesson." Tatsumi said.

"Yes, yes, yes. Teach him a lesson we will." Hisoka said menacingly as he cracked his knuckles.

"So we do it on three?" Kachou asked who was looking very pleased with himself.

"Oh hell yeah…" Wakaba said as he winked at me.

"One, two…" They didn't even reach three when I fainted dead from fright.

**Conclusion. Coffee is a major source of life. Take it away from them and you will unwittingly commit suicide. (Oooh… and yeah I found out that Kachou had an indirect lineage with The Hulk!!! That explains the bull like thingie… good thing he doesn't turn into that great, big, green monster!! But he's close enough!!)**

**Result/s. Concussions, contusions, three bumps on the head, two black eyes and heck of a lot bruises.**

**Experiment number 2. Hide the sweets tray.**

You would have thought that after the incident with the 'gruesome three' and 'The Hulk', I would stop this experiment. But it's me and I'm persistent and I firmly believe that in the name of science, brutality such as, are but a small price to pay. 

_And besides, I had reasoned with myself, the next experiment does not include the aforementioned three. I would be dealing with Tsuzuki, Terazuma and Kachou. Yes, Kachou. I know, you're thinking that I'm fucking stupid for trying another round of mischief with Kachou. But think of it this way. I know what he's capable of doing and I could watch out for that. So that's all taken care of._

This is a particularly easily task as compared to hiding the coffee machine. No one has had the nerve to move in beside the tray because Kachou had warned that if he found anyone, _anyone at all, near__ his sweets tray they wouldn't receive their month's salary. I don't really understand it either, I mean, if I was Tsuzuki or Terazuma, I wouldn't mind that threat. After all, Tatsumi is in sole control of the budget and concerns on salaries don't depend on Kachou. __Oh well, Tsuzuki and Terazuma don't have my brains, so that explains a lot!!!_

So anyway, Kachou's being really greedy. The real reason why he didn't want any intruders near the sweets tray is because he wants to have the first pick!! _The one who gets the first pick literally gets the best sweet in the selection, And Kachou's office is the farthest… __The cheat!!_

I went there before lunch time. Nobody really cared coz they knew I don't have the sweet tooth and I basically eat whenever I want or _can_, depending on how long I'd been working on my lab. So it's natural for me to have my lunch at 10 in the morning or have my dinner at 12 midnight.

I had absolutely no problem getting the tray. I went there grabbed it and voila!! I had it. The only trick was getting the tray,_ which was enormous!! It has three tiers and it weighed a lot_, back to my lab… _Wait!! Not my lab!! I'll be dead meat if Kachou find it there for the second time. _

I thought for awhile and thought of the best place!!! Tsuzuki's desk!!! Sure it's _his desk but he rarely sits on it and it's worse that the dumpster. There's a mountain of crumpled papers on his trash can which isn't paper work but doodles and drawings, _which overflowed and occupied the space under his desk_, five stack of __real paperwork on his desk which was so high that it toppled and fell on the floor and the best indicator that you must back off was… Rotten food. Yup, that lazy Tsuzuki has lots of hidden food in his drawers _which was hidden so well, he himself forgot where he put it_, which had rotten. _

So I put it under his desk, along with the crumpled papers and went to the sweets room to investigate… 

Kachou was already there. He had his back on me and I could see that he's shaking slightly. His fists are clenched on his sides and when he whirled around I gasped in terror. _The return of the Incredible Hulk!!! His eyes are all red and bulgy, he had purple complexion and his face is contorted with rage and veins were popping here and there._

"WATARI!!!! DON'T TELL ME…" He said through clenched teeth and it was obvious he was holding back some mighty temper as much as he can.

"Of course not Kachou!!! You know I don't have much use for sweets." I said as I sat down on a table and made a show of bringing out my packed lunch of tuna sandwich, an apple and a jug of orange juice. _Do I look like a health nut? Well… I am_!!

"If not you, then… TSUZUKI!!!! TERAZUMA!!!" Kachou yelled at the top of his lungs. The two bumbling idiots appeared on the door, looking dazed and drooly.

"Made your selection yet, Kachou?" Tsuzuki asks as he wipes the drool on his chin and looked behind Kachou as if he was the one who hid the tray when he didn't spot them.

"I…"

"Kachou. Where is the food?" Terazuma asks his eyes narrowing on dangerous slits. Kachou's eyes bulged even more on Terazuma's tone.

"Are you implying that I, _that I_, ate all of it?!" Kachou asks enraged, I watched their encounter in silence; they were acting as if I wasn't around and that suits me just fine.

"Well, you came in here first." Terazuma said his voice now deadly.

"You… You... You won't get your salary this week you insolent, ungrateful… " Kachou sputtered angrily but Terazuma just bristled.

"You cant threaten me with that shit!! I know Tatsumi is in sole charge of that!!!"

"Why you little brat!! I'm going to get you!!!!!" Kachou made grab for Terazuma's neck, _just like he did with me, guess he died with choking… Kachou seems to favor that maneuver, but Terazuma evaded the attack just in time, as he leapt aside he drew his sword out and positioned for fight._

"You greedy old fool!!! I didn't say anything when you said you wanted the first pick but this… This is too much!!!!" He lunged for the boss and whacked him in the head using the reverse side of the blade.

"Ouch!! You mongrel!!!"

"WAAAAAHH!!! FOOOOOD…. HUNGRY!!!!! WAAAAAH!!!!" Tsuzuki wailed so loud that Kachou forgot to hit Terazuma using the chair I was sitting on, _damn finally spotted_!!

"Stop whining!!!" Kachou said as he put his hands on his ears. Terazuma grinned as Kachou let his guard down. He whacked him on the head again.

"Ouch… What did you do that for?!" Kachou asked as his eyes brimmed with tears. His rage has burned down and Kachou now looks so frustrated. 

"WAAAAAHHH…. SWEETS… WHERE?!!" Tsuzuki wailed again, this time banging the floor with his fists as he did so. _He looked like a baby_… _An oversized baby…_

"WAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" Kachou joined Tsuzuki in crying when he finally gave up the pretense of trying to stop crying_. He was sniffing like mad a moment  ago_…

Terazuma eyed the babies, I mean Kachou and Tsuzuki, and then sighed. He sheathed his sword back in place and looked at them, contemplating. Then a moment later he sunk to the floor and…

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH………" They all cried pitifully as fountains and fountains of tears surged from their red rimmed eyes.

**Conclusion. I'm a big, bad meanie… A bully, a jerk, an asshole name it, I _am_ it. **

**Results. A guilty conscience.**

**Notes to Self: Return the sweets… Discreetly though… As much as I wanted to return it to them on the spot… The incident with Tatsumi, Hisoka and Wakaba were still clear on my mind and knowing Kachou _and Terazuma… I just shudder at the thought of what may become of me after they finished… _**

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A/N: what do you think? Comments please!! And if you have any suggestions on what you want Watari to tackle next, just tell me okay?! *grins*


	3. cruelest man on meifu

**Subject: Who is the cruelest man on Meifu?**

**Notes: This experiment is double purposed. As opposed to the last one which I did solely on the basis of my entertainment, this one is also to serve as a warning for whomever who wishes to cause mischief  in Meifu (Meaning me!).  **

As I am so giving and generous, I will allow fellow officemates to have a peek in this particular page of my logbook, _if and only if, they promise to commit mischief in its honor and _if _they promise to be my guinea pig for a day. Fair bargain if I say so myself. _

**Experiment.  Piss off all possible candidates.**

Oh wow. I just thought that this experiment might be a little too hard. Even for me. I mean, hello!! I'm going to piss off about 7 or so people. And that means I'm going to have to endure 7 or so painful punishments. Ouch. Just thinking of it makes me shiver. Oh well, I am a man of science and _I can do it_! _I can!_! _I hope… _

So here's the least of people/birds I'm going to hunt down. Kachou, Tatsumi, Bon, Tsuzuki, Terazuma, Wakaba, the Gushoushin brothers and 003. 

Hmmm… Let's cross out 003 this early. I know her ever since she was an egg and I can guarantee you that she hasn't got a single cruel bone in her little body. Really!! She supports me, gives me encouragement when others are looking down upon my experiments and all other good gooey stuff. Well, she does retaliate at times, but it's my fault in the first place… So she would probably fare only a 1 out 10 in the cruelty rating. But you can't possibly consider someone cruel just because they tried to defend themselves right? _So please leave 003 alone!!!!! _

Ooops, sorry for the outburst, it's just that I'm a wee bit overprotective of my chick… _I mean 003!! So anyway on to the rest of the list!!_

**Target Number 1. The Gushoushin **

Easy, this one. I didn't even have to think long on how to piss the pants off them. Even Tsuzuki will be able to figure this out.  

If there is one definite way to piss a Gushoushin off, it is to cause havoc on the library. They have a fond attachment to it and they barely leave the place.

Hmm, I'm not really going for the kill here, so I think burning the library down to cinders is out of the question. Besides, if I do burn it down and I'm caught, which I should be really, it just won't be the Gushoushin after my ass but the secretary of Meifu himself too. The ruler of the treasury. Tatsumi.

So I decided that borrowing a heck of a lot of books, which I presumed to be the most valuable ones, _the ancient old books are always of value and the newly acquired gleaming ones which they had begged Tatsumi to get, and not returning them on time would suffice. The Gushoushin insisted some kind of library rule that books should be returned on the third day it was brought out. _

I have the books for about a week before they started bugging me. I had to give them credit for giving me the benefit of doubt, though. After all, they bug other people when books haven't been returned on the fourth day and I have mine for a week!!!

 So anyway, they kept flying above my head while I was working on my sex changing potion telling me that the books were long overdue. I was losing concentration on my work so I'd given up to them and looked on the whereabouts of it.

When I found them they were dripping wet. I had placed them directly at the bottom of the _dripping air conditioner. I turned around at the gasping noises the Gushoushin brothers made. Their eyes were wide with disbelief._

One of them, the one with the blue hat flew down and reached at the topmost book of the stack, lifting it gingerly…

"Ano… Eto… I didn't mean…" I stammered as I looked at one chicken face to the other.  

The red hat Gushoushin sniffled loudly and the blue hat one was still in a state of shock, wet book in his hands, _or rather claws… __whatever…._

Then without warning the blue hat Gushoushin threw the wet, enormous book right at my head, hitting me squarely between the eyes. The other one started screaming obscenities at me. I was kind of surprised…_ He knew swear words_! Then as a last resort, they banned me from the library until further notice.

I was shocked since I could use the library for further research and I spent about a third of my day in there and it will be a huge loss for me. 

"Please… I've never messed up before!! Don't ban me!!!" I wailed after their flying-retreating figures only to be met by two pair of angry glinting eyes.

"NO!!! It's your punishment!!!" And they flew again, never to be convinced otherwise.

**Cruelty Rating. 4 out of 10. Well, I'm still conscious after the throwing of the book… so that fared only two points. Plus the ban from the library which I gave 2 points.  No points taken for swearing… It happens all the time. _Trust me_.**

**Target Number 2. Wakaba**

To tell you the truth I don't know how. I've never seen her angry or irritated… Oh wait!!! I did!!! Last experiment, you know when I took the coffee machine away? To tell you the truth my head still throbs when I think of her little, _tiny_ fists making contact at the top of my head. _OUCH_.

Just looking at her sweet petite figure… I'm sure you wouldn't figure out that she has brute strength within her. Anyway, I think that the last experiment wouldn't suffice. I think it's worth a try trying to find something that irritates the sweet girl other than getting the coffee out of her. 

Signing out for awhile… (Have to piss a certain girl you know…)

I'm back!!!

Gosh!!! You wouldn't believe this!!! I just tried several things with Wakaba and guess what?!!! NOTHING!!! Every little stunt I pulled was unfruitful. 

All I received was sweeter-than-honey smiles!!! So, first I lifted her skirt up. She whirled around and I distinctly remembered bracing myself for a painful slap. Umm, and yeah I think I apologized too. _Reflex, you know_? So I had my eyes closed and was waiting for the blow. It never came.

I opened my eyes when her hand connected to my shoulder. I was greeted with a smile and before she flounced away she said that I should not worry, _its okay. __Oooookhaaay…_

Second, I teased her about her little crush on Terazuma. She blushed to the roots of her hair while I was doing so. When I was confident that she, indeed, has a crush on the ill tempered Shinigami, I insulted him.

I said that he was a brat, that he never cared for her enough, that he was bossy, moody, a war-freak and that he doesn't really look that good, that he is butt ugly and all other lies. She shook her head vigorously at each statement. I finished ranting and I still hadn't gotten much of a desired reaction from her. She just kept silent and when I finished she just muttered that Terazuma was good inside… and that she didn't give a fuck about looks. Then she smiled sadly as if sorry about me being superficial. _Huh, that got me somewhere…_

Lastly, I decided with another trick with the coffee. I don't have anymore ideas and she's stumping me. So when she reached for her coffee mug, I 'accidentally' bumped into her which caused her to loose her grip on her beloved mug, _it's pink and flowery, wonder where she got that?! Anyway, it shattered into tiny little pieces. She looked like she was about to explode but she spotted some Styrofoam cups and she suddenly forgot about her broken mug!!_

She made a beeline for the coffee machine and started pouring herself some when I 'accidentally' bumped into her again. The pot of coffee came crashing down, splattering our feet with the super hot coffee. Wakaba looks like she's going to cry but then she spotted a spare pot, some coffee beans and she perked up again!!!!

No way, am I going to break another office tool. The bill might land on me and it would probably clean out my non existent salary. So officially, I gave up on Wakaba. 

**Cruelty Rating. Need I say more?!!! Zero, Nada, Caput!!! 0 out of ten, if you still don't get it. *Sighs* I am such a failure!!!**

**Target Number 3. Kachou**

Ha! This one is rather easy! Kachou is easily pissed off. With my great talent and skills he's bound to be angry at a snap of a finger. 

So anyway, I went to his office. I figured that if there's any place he would likely be in, it would be in his office.  He never leaves the place and only leaves when absolutely necessary. Necessary as in, if he's hungry, if he's in need of the bathroom or if its dismissal time.

So as I presumed, he sat hunched at his desk, shuffling mounds and mounds of paper. I let myself in after five minutes of calling Kachou's name. He was rather intent on not noticing me. I suppose he's still mad at the sweets incident last experiment.

I went to his table and to my surprise found a plateful of sweets. My mouth curved into a wide smile as I greeted him.

"Morning Kachou!!! Isn't it too early for sweets?" I ask demurely as I sat down at the top of his desk. His head snapped up and I noticed that he's face is as red as hell.

Now that I had a good look on him too, his eyes are ablaze and he looks ready to kill. I let out an undignified shriek as his hands darted to reach for my hair. Fortunately I had jumped out of harms way before he could get his hands on me.

"Kachou?! What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to kill you!!" He muttered angrily as he stood up and started to chase me. I noticed that his mouth was full of cotton swabs as he talked. _Wonder what's up with that?!_

"Kachou!! I haven't done anything to you!!!" I said my voice high with panic as I started to get into a sprint.

"Oh yes you did!!! How dare you remind me that I can't eat sweets!!!" He raged as he rained me with various objects he gathered along the way, occasionally hitting me.

"Ouch!" I yelled as a chair hit me squarely in the knees causing me to tumble. In a few moments, Kachou was straddling me and was grinning down at me like a crazed lunatic.

"Ka-Kachou!!"

"You've been very bad Watari-san! I just had a tooth pulled out this morning and I was just mourning…. You know cause I can't eat my daily dosage of sweets…" Kachou wiped at an imaginary tear before continuing.

"I was forgetting it too when YOU mentioned sweets…" Kachou pouted as he continued to look down at me. _Pouted? I asked myself hazily. Kachou never pouts. Well he really shouldn't. Just look at him and his age. It just isn't appropriate. Kachou shifted position and I was brought back to reality._

I was getting really nervous because Kachou has a look in his face I couldn't quite put my finger on. I was about to make my conclusion when he affirmed it.

"You know… I never noticed how attractive you look…" Kachou said in a voice I haven't heard from him. It was _seductive._

"Wha-what?!" I stammered.

"I said you're beautiful." Kachou said as he lowered his head. Lower, lower.

_Oh my, he's going to kiss me!!! Warning bells rang clearly in my head as my eyes went wide as saucers. Kachou's eyes were closed now and now that I had the chance…._

"OWWWW!!!" Kachou let go of me suddenly as he clutched his eyes. I stabbed his eyes with my fingers!!! Getting the chance I ran as fast as I could to hole myself in the lab.

As I closed the door of my lab, I hear Kachou stumble to a sitting position before saying: "_Sweet Revenge." And the whole office laughed._

**Conclusion. Damn that Kachou!!! He had one upped me!!! I really thought at that time that he's had it for me!!! I thought, I thought…. I thought I was going to get _raped_!!!! And the whole office knows of it too!!! Hmmmmmp!! The nerve. How could he do this to me?! I'm a nice guy!!! Aren't I?! Aren't I?! AREN"T I?!!! *Pssst… here's the part where you say yes…*  **

Audience: YES!

Watari: Thank you, Finally. Hmmmp. And I thought you sided with Kachou too. I was beginning to think that I'm the only one here who understands myself.

**Cruelty Rating. 10 out 10. The cheating scum!!! That was far worse that physical abuse you know!!!! He had hurt what he shouldn't. My pride!!**

**Notes: Hey! I know I have three more subjects to go, but I'm going to do that tomorrow. This will be a two part test. After all this is kind of long and is important. I don't want to rush things around you know….**

Fine! It's not that I can't finish this today, but after the Kachou incident… AGGGGHHH!!! I'm still boiling. Gotta nurse a broken pride you know? 

Toodles.

t.b.c

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A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for those who reviewed and I apologize for not updating in a long time… 


	4. continuation of cruelest

**Continuation…**

**Notes: Very sorry for the delay you all…It's just that nursing a broken ego had taken me longer than I thought it would be. Every time I see and hear Konoe's name… *shudders* I go ballistic.**

So anyway, I talked with the ever-sweet Wakaba-chan about this problem of mine. To tell you the truth, I had developed a tick in my right eye every time I think of Konoe. She ain't laughing at me when I told her this, so I thought that whatever she says would be heartfelt. Not unlike her partner, Terazuma who broke into hives when he heard of the scene between me and Kachou. Would you believe he suggested that I hook up with Kachou?!

He says that the reason I was feeling so pissed off was that I was expecting Konoe to have feelings for me and that I was crushed with what happened. The nerve!! I so do not have a thing on old men!!! I was so mad, and still is, that I'm thinking of an experiment especially for that goon. Just he wait.

Wakaba-chan, on the other hand, suggested that I meditate and do the yoga thingie. She says it calms your nerves. I did exactly what she had told me and I'm back to my old, normal, genki self. 

I feel I'm up to the task at hand and I ain't gonna waste no more time. Scientists of my caliber mustn't be free for long periods of time. We get rusty and it's hard to get the flow going back on. So with that scary thought in mind I proceed, much obliged and happy, at the 'Cruelest Man on Meifu' Experiment!!

**Target Number 4. Kurosaki Hisoka a.k.a Bon **

This should be easy. Hisoka is easy enough to piss. He gets irritated at the littlest things and that could work well to my great advantage. Very little effort could get the desired result. This would be so easy… *clasps hands tightly* 

Oh but wait!! I completely forgot about the Code of Etiquettes of the Association of Mad Scientists!! I couldn't possibly thinking of going for mediocre experiments!!! The shame!! The horror!!! _What was I thinking_?!! 

Good thing I have a good memory. Or else I would have dragged the Book of Codes in the dirt!! *shakes head* with that in mind I have to find a way to tick the blond shinigami off, the first class way… 

Now this has become a little complicated. I had to create mischief with drama.  I was starting to worry that I couldn't create the absolute, grand trick that would be up to hilt but then it suddenly hit me. 

Flashing light bulbs erupted somewhere above my head and I knew I looked like a slot machine who hit the jackpot. _If there is one way to achieve that… Oooooh… this is going to be so much fun_!!! I went into motion at once.

First, I started off by leaving Bon a message saying that he's supposed to meet me at my lab. Secondly, I set up cameras at my lab all carefully positioned on angles. It's designed that way so I could have access to every nook and cranny of the room. Thirdly, I had a heart-to-heart talk with 003. After making sure she understood what I wanted her to do I left my lab with a big smile on my face and fully determined not to be spotted by a certain blond haired, emerald eyed shinigami.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes flashed with victory as 003 finished the act with a flourish. Knowing that I had little time I rushed towards my lab in haste. I reached it at the same time Bon came out of it all red in the face and wide emerald eyes wild.

"Hi Bon!! Sorry I'm late I want to talk to you about…" I chatted happily acting as if him being red faced and out of breath is completely normal.

"Not now Watari-san…" Bon said so quietly, I had to strain my ears to decipher what he's trying to say.

"But you came here!! That means that you're up to…" Hisoka stopped me short. He can't look at me straight in the eyes and he seems so anxious to leave.

"I suddenly felt tired. Let's just talk about this tomorrow ne Watari-san?"  I nodded. I watched Bon leave out of sight. When I was sure he couldn't see me anymore, I turned back to the 'secret room' and started editing the tape I would be showing to everybody in the office tomorrow morning for entertainment. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I saw Bon strutting towards his desk to start his day, I set phase 2 of my plan in action.

"Everybody!! I want you to know that 003 will be getting married and you are all invited at the ceremony and at the reception!!" I proclaimed loudly. The office which was a quiet as a cemetery, this happens only when it's early, perked up.

"What?! Really?! Who's the lucky bird-guy?" Wakaba asks, interested.

"Well, it's not really a bird… Anyway I'll just run this tape so you could see the day of their engagement." I smiled happily as I popped the tape in.

I made the tape as dramatic as possible. There were opening credits, and there was even a background song. The opening scene was that of me and 003.

"003 are you really sure that this is what you wanted?" Watari on screen asked the little bird. 003 nodded vigorously but she kept still on her perch. 

"If that's what you wanted 003… You know I'll always support you…" I had said and was able to manage a few tears. Every girl in the room 'AWWWWW'-ed as 003 on screen fluttered towards me and patted my tears away with her wee little wings. The door of my lab then opened revealing an unsure looking Bon.

"Watari-san? Is it okay for me to…" He asked tentatively. Well the truth was he's asking me if it's okay to enter, but I had to edit what he really said to get the desired effect. 

The view switched back to me and 003. I nodded my head slowly, tears still sparkling in my eyes.

"Yes. You have my blessing." I said and I broke down. I went by in a huff and left the lab at break neck speed. The girls in the room watching the tape 'AWWWWW'-ed again at the supposedly touching scene.

"003…" Bon trailed off. Well he really didn't trail off. He was actually asking 003 whether I'm there or not. 003 nodded serenely and went hovering at Hisoka's face. She gently pecked her beak at Bon's lips. 

"AWWWWW… That is so adorable…" Wakaba shrieked happily. I looked over at Bon's desk and noted that he was looking murderous.

Anyway, back at the tape, Hisoka lifted his hands and attached a ribbon to 003's neck. Dangling at the center of the pink ribbon was a ring. Well, it was really a note… I edited that part too...

003 hooted softly before descending on Bon's hand. She wiggled a bit and when she rose Bon was already wearing a ring matching that of 003. Another one I edited…

Everybody in the room clapped. Yuma and Saya were whistling as well. They started bugging Hisoka and congratulating him while he shots dagger glares at them when the tape began singing…

/All my life without a doubt I give you all my life

  Now and forever and till the day I die 

  You and I will share…/

On screen, 003 began pecking at poor Bon's lips. At one particular moment, 003 pecked too hard that Bon had opened his mouth to shout, I edited his yelling sounds though. But when he opened his mouth to yell, he accidentally swallowed 003 when the bird leaned in for another peck. Bon looks like he was gagging for a moment before he finally spat out 003.

"Ohhh… so that's what they mean when someone says 'I want to feel you so good I want to swallow you whole'!!!" Wakaba said enlightened. Bon blushed to the ends of his hair and was looking at me his eyes flashing dangerously. 

He stood up shakily and began panting like an enraged bull.  I took this as cue to make a run for it. And I ran out as fast as I could.

**Results.  I was bed ridden for a week looking very much like the Mummy. Every inch of my skin was covered in bandage because of cuts, lacerations and broken bones. Both of legs were in cast and so is my left hand. **

He wasn't content with that, though. He also claimed that I should be given some sort of grave punishment. He wheedled and threatened Kachou and Tatsumi to hold a trial for my case, he says he's good enough that he's letting me try and get off the hook with the help of the trial, but his eyes are saying that he is just stretching my pain and suffering as long as possible.

He won the case of course and as damage penalty he gets to have my salary for six months and that 003 be taken away from me for three months as well. I broke down when I heard the verdict. Losing my salary I can handle. Losing 003? Its like stripping me of my clothes!!! She's a part of me!!!!

**Cruelty Rating. 20 out of 10!!!!! Hmmmp. Making a replica of the Mummy out of me? Getting my hard earned salary? Keeping my beloved 003 away from me?!!! _INJUSTICE_!!!! **

**Target Number 5. Tsuzuki Asato**

As with Wakaba-chan, I don't know how to start with this inu-man. He's just so damn nice and I absolutely cannot recall an instance where he lashed out at an officemate because he's irritated at them or something. More than often it's him who gets in trouble because he had annoyed someone.

But as I've said over and over in this log book, I am not one to give up and challenges, _extreme challenges_, such as this one is right up my alley. It's just a matter of strong will and persistence. 

Hmm… acting like a psycho killer and threatening Bon is a good idea to set the violet eyes shinigami off. Only there's a hitch. Tsuzuki will probably kill me for doing that._ Let me correct that, it's not probably, absolutely_. So _cross_ that out. I ain't going to have myself murdered!!! There are more experiments and things I could venture out to!!!

So, first I tried irritating Bon and passing on the blame to Tsuzuki. I concealed myself at a nearby unoccupied desk and when I was sure that I am completely hidden from Bon's vantage point of view and that he absolutely had no idea I was even there, I started shooting at him paper clips, staples and whatever I could get my hands to. Tsuzuki is the only person in plain sight of Bon so it wouldn't be a problem. 

Bon tried to ignore the paper clips at first because every time he looked over to check if Tsuzuki was the one doing it, Tsuzuki was typing something up. But after awhile he cracked and lashed out at Tsuzuki.

The inu-man looked hurt and said it wasn't him. He didn't even have paper clips, so how could it be him?!!! Bon looked doubtful at first but when saw the look of sincerity in Tsuzuki's face, he believed him and apologized and asked him to go with him for lunch as his token.

Tsuzuki stood up and spotted me hiding under Wakaba's chair with the paper clips in hand. His eyes narrowed at my fist, which was of course sporting paper clips and staples, but then he broke into a smile. He looked at Hisoka who was gathering his things and back at me. He mouthed thank you and went on as if he didn't see me.

Hmmm… So that didn't get me nowhere. But there's still some time in this experiment and I like to give it one more shot.

So I decided that spreading out rumors about Bon and Tsuzuki will do. Oh you know, that Tsuzuki had been pinning out for Bon in ages. Well it's not really a rumor; it was more like the truth. *rolls eyes* I swear if Tsuzuki gets any slower, he'd be going backwards.

But I had a fondness for exaggerating so I upgraded that simple fact to something more interesting, like a rumor that Bon and Tsuzuki had finally hooked up! _Isn't it such a grand idea?  And if there is one quick way to spread a rumor, not just in our office but in other agencies as well, it's to feed the information to Yuma and Saya. Its plain knowledge in Meifu that Tsuzuki had a thing for Bon but it's not in other agencies. I'm sure that the inu-man would flip if he finds out about this one… _

Hehehehe, if you must know, yaoi is a fad among the girls here in En-macho and if they found out about this little information… It will sure cause a commotion. I'm not really one to gossip, but hell!!! I just overheard this okay?! They thought that Tsuzuki and Bon will make a gorgeous couple. These girls had a habit of partnering people off… I even overheard some of them say that I would make a good partner for Tatsumi!! 

_Why are you looking at me like that?! I told you I just overheard it!!!_ I AM NOT A GOSSIP_!!! *huffs* We're getting side tracked here!! So anyway, Yuma and Saya set a world record for spreading a rumor. It went like wildfire and everybody knew it within 10 minutes flat._

Everyone had patted Tsuzuki on the back and was congratulating him. He looked confused for a moment before Yuma and Saya came bounding on to him. They told him that if he was to break Hisoka's heart he's going to be so screwed. Understanding dawned on Tsuzuki's eyes and he blushed so hard that it looked like he was glowing.

At that same moment, Wakaba had reached a completely clueless Bon to greet him and congratulate him as well. Nobody other than Wakaba-chan, and maybe Yuma and Saya as well, had worked the nerve to talk to Hisoka regarding this topic. It's a well known fact that Bon blows a fuse faster than a bullet train.  

Bon blushed, and looked over at Tsuzuki the same time the inu-man looked over. Their gazes met and I knew I was missing something there. They had a look on their faces I cannot interpret. Then without warning Tsuzuki left, at running pace. The hush that fell down when the two were staring at each other broke way for a steady hum of chatter. 

I was surprised when Bon followed Tsuzuki seconds after. The hum of chatter got louder and I got the feeling that something was way off mark here. I went to my lab to try and sort things out. 

This rumor should have blown Bon's fuse off and then his pent up anger would be directed at Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki would then be mad at whoever who set the rumor up because, surely, Bon would not be talking to him for days.

But when I saw the look on Bon's face when he got up to go after Tsuzuki… There wasn't any trace of anger or whatever. Something is definitely amiss. I was not coming up with any bright ideas about the explanation of their behavior and I can't proceed with this experiment unless Tsuzuki comes up to me so I decided to postpone this one and to focus on to another target for the moment.

I was thinking of stalking Tatsumi when my lab door opened revealing a grinning-like-an-idiot Tsuzuki. 

"Tsuzuki?" I ask tentatively. He looks happy but I can't be too sure. He might have gone bananas or whatever you know? He leapt up suddenly and caught me in a bear hug.

"What the hell happened?" I ask him, sure now that he's not a threat to my health. 

"Thank you!!! Thanks to that rumor me and 'Soka-chan are finally a couple!!" 

"What?" I ask him dazed. Talk about dumbstruck!

"Well because of that little incident he and I finally had a long and serious talk and we confessed our feelings for each other!!! God, this feels so great!!!" I'm still at a loss for words but he didn't seem to notice.

"But, but, but… How did you know that I'm the one that spread the rumors?" I asked, choked.

"Well, Yuma and Saya aren't exactly the kind of people who could hold in a secret, are they?" Tsuzuki asks me, still grinning like an idiot.

"Don't worry Watari!!! I'll hand the favor back at you!!" He continued on babbling when I didn't reply. Then he bounced happily out of my lab sensing that I still had not recovered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I decided not to do any more tricks since I'm still confused about what happened. If you only knew how bad my headache was after trying to figure out what went wrong… *shakes head*

 The next day though, I found a note saying that I had a date at 8:00 p.m. sharp and that I should wear something formal. When I arrived at the place, I nearly lost my marbles. My date that night was… Take a guess!!!! Tatsumi!!

**Cruelty rating. This guy hasn't got a cruel bone in his body. When I took the sweets from him on the last experiment he just cried. When I tried to make Bon irritated at him he thanked me and when I intended to make Bon mad at him which can result to non-communication for at least three days… He set me a date up with Tatsumi!!!**

So I think he deserves a -10 out of 10. He's a sport and a perfect gentleman!! Returning the 'favor' like that!!! 

**Target Number 6. Tatsumi Seichiro**

Oooh, wow. A date with Tatsumi. I should probably feel elated and excited right now, which I actually am, but being a persistent mad scientist like I am, I couldn't help but feel that this is a good opportunity to test him. After all he is the last person off the list and I think that this particular experiment is taking up a damn long time.

So I decided, against my will, that I should conduct my tests with him while we are at it. At our date. Geeesh… And I thought that I could have fun!!! *rolls eyes*

So anyway, when I arrived at this darling little private restaurant, Tatsumi was already at the table. He was sipping champagne and he looked bored out of his mind. He raised his glass to acknowledge my presence, when he finally noticed me….. Was the table cloth really that enchanting to Tatsumi that it took him a full five minutes to notice that I am standing next to him, making humming and coughing noises just to get his attention? *shakes head*

I had barely opened my mouth to apologize for being late when he spoke.

"We should have met at exactly 8 p.m. And what time is it now?" He looks at me challengingly.  _Oh what a beautiful way to start a conversation…_

"Ahhh… 8:23?" I said haltingly. Tatsumi looked liked he was calculating as I took the seat opposite him.

"Do you think that that is acceptable?" He asks me.

"It's only for a few minutes!! And besides I have a perfectly good reason!!" I said indignantly. 

"Pray tell this 'perfectly good reason'?" Tatsumi raised his brows in question. I sighed, defeated. _He actually is still in boss mode_!!! I thought to myself sulking.

"Well… I…" Now that I thought about it, I really don't have any reasons.

"Just as I thought. Do you know that if this were office time, I would have to deduct some amount of money on your salary?"

"Well, I don't really…"

"And did you know that every single penny is valuable?"

"But, I…"

"Watari-san, I suggest you be more serious about it… time is valuable and it is ticking constantly…"

"I am serious…" Tatsumi glared at me and I was forced to listen again.

"Hmmm…. Serious? Are we?" 

"Yes…"

"No you aren't. You have to pay Kurosaki-kun 6 months worth of your salary because of some trick!!"

"It wasn't a…"

"And this past few days… The mischiefs, Watari-san!! It is unbelievable."

"Thank…" I started out, thinking that he was impressed with my work.

"Oh don't thank me Watari-san, I am not praising you for it. In fact I am reprimanding you for it."

"But…" My eyes turned wide as saucers. And I thought I could forgive him about all this line cutting!! Am I not allowed to say more than three words? Can't I even complete a sentence? Grrr…. Talk about one sided conversations. He rested his chin on his intertwined hands and looked over at me solemnly.

"And because I am secretary of En-macho after all…" I just kept silent, after all if I did intend to say something, he'll just cut me short.

"I forbid you to do any more of that tricks… Mischiefs… Whatever it is that you call it." 

"Experiments." I said under my breath. The waiter took that time to get our orders. I vaguely hear Tatsumi order a fillet mingon. The waiter turned to me.

"I'll get whatever he did." I said irritatedly. When the waiter turned away, Tatsumi looked detached. So was I. I was contemplating by myself that I didn't have to do any tricks, to have Tatsumi irritate me. He's a natural at making me pissed off.

I suddenly realized what he had just said when I thought of the word 'pissed off'. It's my current project and he's forbidden me to do anymore experiment… But how could I continue with my experiments if he won't allow me to conduct it?

"Ne, Tatsumi? What if I tell you that I won't follow your order?"

"What do you mean?" Tatsumi asks jolted back to reality.

"That I stop my experiments."

"Then I'll have to extend 003's separation from you!!"

"What?!!!"

"Yes, Watari-san… I'm afraid that is the case." He said as he shook his head mock sadly.

"Why are you doing this? 003 is my life and my experiments…" Tatsumi looked at me and I willed myself to shed a few tears…

"Hush… Watari-san. Fine. You can do this 'experiment' of yours after the contest."

"What contest?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

"Well, Earl had a contest to see which agency can perform better in cases, which agency can sport team effort the most…" Tatsumi could have continued explaining if I didn't stop him. Did he really think that I am that slow?

"I get the picture Tatsumi."

"Well then… The price of the winning agency would be a raise in the funds!!! And I intend to win that contest and each and every employee of En-macho will strive to reach that goal." He looked at me, a smug smile in his face.

"And what has that to do with my experiments?" I asked confused.

"Your tricks are wearing most of our best people down… Tsuzuki and Bon, who could win us the best cases performances, are looking no fit for the job… All because they're acting all lovey dovey… Thanks to you…" Tatsumi trailed on looking at me pointedly. I was about to defend myself when he cut me off again.

"And Kachou could win the best subordinate award… I mean best leader award but he's irrational lately… All because of the sweets deprivation, which is also one of your tricks…"

"But I…"

"And the best team effort award which could also be won by our agency was smashed to pieces thanks to your rumor spreading abilities…"

_Oh boy… This could go on all evening…._

"And of course…" Tatsumi droned on and on. I must have blacked out at some point, because when I came to, I was drooling all over the table, while I was asleep and that Tatsumi had already left.

**Result. *Yawning* Do I have to finish this? God. You wouldn't believe how bad it is to have Tatsumi on a date. I mean, it should be a date but he had turned it into a business meeting. And I hate business meetings!!! They make me so, so sleepy…**

Anyway, he went on and on about my 'faults' and how I caused a minor set back on his plans… Seems like it that he had agreed with Tsuzuki's plan of having a date with me on the sole purpose of reprimanding me and telling me that I am not supposed to do this or that. *rolls eyes* What a mother hen!!!

**Cruelty Rating. How to rate?! Let's separate it in three categories. Hmmm… 10 out 10 for being such a pain in the ass. 20 out 10 for being the worst date in the century and 10 out 10 for threatening me that 003's separation from me will be lengthened.**

So okay, it's not a fair grade… But give me a break!!! I had prepared all morning just to look my best for him and he didn't even notice that I had donned on a special outfit!!!! Hmmmmp… 

**Over all Result. I would say that, based on my studies that the cruelest man in Meifu is a tie between Bon and Kachou. The two had very different ways in reacting. While Kachou plays the mind, Bon prefers the natural, physical method. I don't know which one is worse but I sure have suffered from the both of them.**

Then there's Tatsumi. I didn't even have to play tricks on him… And he had already bored and irritated me till I fell asleep. It would be a nightmare if I deliberately pissed him off.

**Conclusion. Based on the overall result, I can conclude that the higher the position of a certain person, then the meaner he gets. **

Hmmm… But then there's Bon. Well, let's add another conclusion to the one I made earlier, the more prudent, more serious worker you are, the more you tend to be cruel. Fair enough?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I think Tatsumi is OOC here… Sorry for that. I didn't mean to write him as an irritating boss or whatever. But once I started writing Tatsumi's part, I can't seem to stop myself. It just kind of wrote itself.

Feedbacks are much appreciated!

Disclaimers: The song I used here isn't mine, it's America's or whomever is the lyricist of the song 'All my Life'


	5. ensnaring tatsumi

**Notes: Oh my gosh!!! I can't believe I've hibernated that long!!! Hey guys, you aren't mad at me or something, right?! Please don't be angry with me… I have an explanation… A really good one!!! **

You see the reason why I totally forgot to write in this log book is because of some pleasurable, unexpected turn of events. Would you forgive my sloppiness and my not updating in so long a time if I explained it to you? You would?! Really?! *big puppy dog eyes* Thank you very much!!

Well, do you remember that I've had an experiment regarding my infatuation with Bon at some point in time? [1] I've decided then that I should find my one fortune elsewhere as Bon and Tsuzuki are obviously made for one another.

At that time the experiment failed but I eventually recovered and accepted the fact that Bon will never be mine. If I remember correctly the experiment was never finished due to an unfortunate circumstance. And since I've had a lot of time in my hands, I decided to pursue the half finished experiment. 

So where exactly was I with the experiment? Well, I distinctly remembered that I wrote a list of possible candidates to set my eyes on at the last part of that other log book. Sure there may be lots and lots of people in the office but there are only a few worth pursuing.

I mean do you think I would fall for Kachou after the menacing incidents with the sweets? *shudders* And Tsuzuki is definitely a no-no since he and Hisoka-chan had already hooked up. I'm not really up to school girl types so Wakaba-chan, Yuma and Saya are out of the picture. Terazuma? Nope, he's too weird for me, and besides he had mistaken Bon for a girl once and he might do that little number on me… That would truly be a nightmare. 

Hmmm… And I don't believe in cross breeding or whatever so the Gushoushin brothers are out. 003? Oh please. She's like my daughter, or sister, or aunt… Well you get the picture with me and 003… If we hooked up… It will be like incest or something. *shudders*

Watason? Definitely not!! He looks like a walking corpse if you ask me!! I'd have to be totally and absolutely blind to be attracted to that… thing. The earl? Well, I can't see him even if I have a 20-20 vision. If you haven't noticed already, he's invisible and really hung up on Tsuzuki, so even if I took a risk with the earl, it would be no use. *sighs*

So that leaves me with the boring as toast, money-manic, slave-driver Tatsumi. That doesn't sound much right? But what choice do I have? He's the only one left with the good looks and a little likable personality. Hmmm… Our little date from the last experiment is still fresh on my mind. It was no doubt the worst date recorded in history. 

But you all know me. I don't give up. As long as there's little hope, I'll cling on to it. And I do believe that Tatsumi is a catch… As soon as I fix him up. 

And guess what?! I've fixed him up!! And yes, we're together now!!! And that is my excuse for not writing in the log book for a long, long time. You see, he's such hard work that after I executed each and every experiment, I'm bushed, tired and all I could do is collapse on my bed and sleep the moment my back touches the mattress. So I haven't had the time to write anything. 

But before you frown thinking that you've missed such a grand experiment, because I haven't wrote it down… Don't you worry!!! Cause I've committed all the proceedings in my memory. And besides, I think that this whole saga isn't to be forgotten in such a short period of time. So without further ado here's:

**Page 3 of Watari's World of Wonders Experiments Log Book**

****

**Subject: _Ensnaring Tatsumi!!!_**

**__**

**Experiment number 1. The classic, courting!!**

So first I figure out the question: What's the best way to let a person know you want them? Well, obviously you need court them. Shower them with little gifts, occasionally talk to them… You know endear yourself to them in any way possible.

So first stop: gifts. I ask myself, if I am Tatsumi what would I want? I tick possible things to give, and have come up with three things: the calculator, a log book and possibly some good pens. 

You ask me why those three very unromantic things? Well don't blame me!!! I was thinking just like Tatsumi and obviously if I was the man I would want something that has to do with keeping money and keeping track of it. We all know that Tatsumi-san is very strict with the budget, hence the calculator would be one hell of a help to him. The log book… Well, I just threw it in since I can't think of any more but… Oh well… I just thought that he might want to list down all those who have some debt with the treasury and those expenses he have to keep in track with. I said that the logbook would be unnecessary because, well, Tatsumi can very well keep track of things without writing them down… I have a hunch that the man has a superb and possibly a photographic memory. And the pens? Well obviously he needs it to write down the data.  

But heck!!! I'm going for romance here!! I'm not giving him a platonic Christmas gift or something, right?! You might think that I'm innovative and all that but I think when it comes to romance… The classic never fails. So what do I do? 

I buy him roses and chocolates. Yup. Corny ain't it? *sighs* But it worked!! Ha!! You think it wouldn't right? So I gave them to him anonymously. At first. 

Actually, being the sly dog that I am, I delivered them myself, saying I found them at the door as I was going in. You wouldn't believe this, but he blushed!!! Yup, he blushed!!! Looked like a giant tomato if you ask me… But very kawaii!!!

Especially when he read the card, which read:

Dearest Tatsumi-san,

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

As your eyes is

This is one of the things

I love about you!!!

From,

Your long time admirer

So of course I teased him about it and made my move, well our conversation roughly goes like this:

_"So you have an admirer, Tatsumi-san!!!" I say to him playfully while eyeing his dumbstruck reaction._

_"I… Ah…" Tatsumi muttered still very flustered. I walked over to the table and fingered one of the deep red roses gently. I looked at him straight in the eye._

_"So who do you think your secret admirer is?" I ask him. This time I enforced a huge amount of control to sound serious. I'm just going to say this once but… I just love teasing him. Especially when he cringes like he does now. Tatsumi recovered and the faint pink in his cheeks only a tell tale of the later majestic flush. He dropped the card down near the roses and straightened his tie. He looked down, uncharacteristically though as he always looked so confident._

_"I think it's just a prank." He whispered more to himself than as an answer to me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Why would he think that this is a prank? I mean, look at him!!! He's hot and such an eye candy. For sure things like this should be normal to him. I mean, him having numerous admirers…_

_"Why would it be?" I ask him curious. He just shook his head and rubbed his temples. After awhile he took of his glasses and looked at the door._

_"Maybe you should go. I'm turning in. It's been a long afternoon." He said as he hung his head. Again, I raise my eyebrows questioning. But I do not push the topic further. I made a move to walk out but of course I can't help myself so I made one more comment._

_"You know, that one admirer isn't enough. With your good looks and wonderful personality I'd say a hundred more admirers would suffice." I said with sincerity shining in my eyes. He looked at me shocked and after a moment or two just as I turned my back on him, I saw that he was quickly matching the deep red roses I gave him. And most of all, I saw him smile._

So what do you think? It went well right?! Hmmm… If I do say so myself that last comment took the crowning glory. I think that with that simple statement, I let him know that I think that he's a catch or that I may be infatuated with him. And besides that blush and smile let me gauge that I might have some hope with him. That he might return my quickly flourishing emotions for him… Now that's a good thought… A very good thought…

**Conclusion. I may be diverting myself to forget my feelings for Bon, but I think I just found something in Tatsumi I didn't see before and I think that given the chance I might fall for him.**

I think that my initial impression of Tatsumi had changed… With that simple conversation of ours… Well, let's just say that I've been given a little insight about his other, hidden side. He's always so tough, prudent, confident… But just like any normal person he had his weaknesses, a softer side to him. With what I gathered he seems a little 'unconfident' about him having suitors or admirers. Maybe something concerning with his past, something I don't know...

But I certainly know that I want to learn more of the man, to learn more about his other side… To know him as a whole. Yup, I think I might be falling for him… Yup… *drifts off*

Oh!!! Yeah… On with the conclusion… Uhh… _Phase__ 1 of Ensnaring Tatsumi… a resounding SUCCESS!!!!_

**Experiment number 2. Coming out in the open**

Well since I've already confirmed that Tatsumi-san wouldn't be such a prude regarding suitors, I decided to come out in the open and tell him that it was me who bought him the flowers and the chocolates and I would definitely not hide the fact that I am courting him. I would let the public know my intentions for him.

Of course I wouldn't advertise that I'm after a certain blue-eyed treasurer but I'm certainly not keeping it from them either. This way Tatsumi will know that I'm rather serious about him. But if he says otherwise that he would want to hide my courting with him to the public then so be it. I aim to please.

So with another batch of long stemmed red roses and the yummy Ferrero Rocher chocolates I made my way to his office, wearing a pristine, gleaming new set of… Lab coat. I would wear a three piece suit like he is but… My resources are quite on the low side so I just settled for the best that I can get. And besides even if I do have the funds to buy one, I wouldn't have the time to buy myself one. As Tatsumi would, 'Time is money'. Odd… I always thought that it went like: 'Time is Gold'. Oh well, gold means a lot of money so it should be the same.

You should see the look on Tatsumi's face when I strode in. He looked like he just saw prince charming strutting in with his white horse… well okay… He didn't look that, it was more like he saw me transforming into the prince's great, white horse. Talk about major dumbstruck!!!

_"Watari-san?!_ Are you feeling well?" He asked me nervously as he eyed my pristine, gleaming lab coat. Well, excuse me!! It isn't my fault that I always encounter mishaps in the lab leaving my coat dirty and stained!!! Hmmp!! Is it really that a miracle that I wear something so clean?__

_But instead of acting like a retard and acting all insulted and stuff, I broke into an easy smile. I walked over to him with such grace and confidence I nearly surprised myself. I handed him the flowers and chocolates. He looked up and resembled a fish out of water._

_"Watari-san… What is the meaning of this?" He asked me, trying so hard to gain composure when I could clearly see that his nerves were frazzled._

_"Giving them to you.__ I hope you enjoyed the other I gave you." I said as I let my smile grow wider still. I winked at him and his face dawned with realization._

_"So it was you who…" He trailed off. I knew he was talking about the flowers I gave him and said that I've found it at the door. So I nodded._

_"Indeed. I trust you enjoyed them?" I asked him smoothly as I let myself sit in one of the plush chairs situated at Tatsumi's table._

_"What do you think you're doing?" Tatsumi hissed as he sat down and set the things I gave him on the table. He rubbed his temples as if he had a big headache going on._

_"Uh… Giving you flowers?" I asked playfully._

_"I can see that!!" He growled as he removed his glasses and placed them together with the flowers._

_"What I want to know is why?"_

_"Why? Because I like you?" I asked._

_"I know you like Kurosaki-kun." Tatsumi stated. I winced._

_"He has Tsuzuki now."_

_"So you think that I'm a good replacement?" He asked me dangerously. Uh-oh…  So he thinks I'm doing this out of spite or out of loneliness or something. Of course who would want to be second fiddle? _

_"Tatsumi… I…"_

_"Watari-san, I suggest you stop this now if you intend to have me as your second fiddle." He's not looking hurt but he's not looking reprimanding either. But to me he looks broken apart by something. He's looking like a lost boy. Now that made me think… If I really don't feel anything for him then why am I feeling guilty? Sure, my original intention was for him to be a diversion but I know now that I do care deeply for him and I want to make this work._

_"That's not the case Tatsumi-san. My intentions are clear. Bon's just a friend to me now, and I won't and ever will dream you as second fiddle. You are different from him." I say my voice laced with pleading. _

_He looks at me, his eyes analyzing. Then maybe seeing that indeed I am telling the truth, he nods and sighs._

_"That may be your case Watari-san but I on the other hand, am not ready."_

_"Why?" I ask him._

_"I don't want to be unfair to you."_

_"What do you mean unfair?"_

_"As I hate playing second fiddle to somebody else, I also hate using someone to cover someone else's place." Oh. Of course. I should have known. He liked… No loved Tsuzuki. And maybe he still does.     _

_"I see. But don't you want to try to give us a try? It's not as if we're hooking up already. There's a get to know you stage and other various stages… All I'm asking for is a simple date. We take this one step at a time." I say after a moment of thought. He looked like contemplating so I leave him be for awhile. _

_"So what do you say?" I ask after a moment of silence. He reached for his glasses and replaced it on his face. He looked at me smiling slightly._

_"Sure. But don't say I didn't warn you." He said his eyes laughing with mirth. I chuckled and turned to leave._

_And yup, since I cant hold my tongue for my life I made another petty comment. _

_"I can tell you liked my card yesterday judging from the way your face looked like a red lamp…" I see the adorable red faced Tatsumi again as I continued._

_"I hope you like my card today…" I said as I winked at him and made my way out._

That went well… Even if it started out rough at first. Now I have a date to set and look forward to. I've already asked but I haven't set the date yet and I'm really looking forward to making everything perfect.

What? You're asking me what Tatsumi's card read? Uhh…. I'm kind of shy about it… But since you're asking… I guess I should… But don't tell me I'm _that mushy!!! One stab at it and I'm done writing here!! Okay?!_

Dearest Tatsumi,

I'm sorry if I kept my identity from you the last time I gave you those flowers. Don't think I'm baiting you or something. My intentions are good and I promise I won't do anything shameful…

Oh and the poem? It's true. I really love your eyes. I hope I can see them laughing and glinting softly more often… Not that I don't like your eyes when they're glaring dangerously. It just makes me think twice about approaching you.

Just kidding. I really hope you give me chance to prove myself. I swear to Tsuzuki's twelve gods that I won't fail you. That's a promise.

Love,

Watari

P.S You're so cure when you're blushing!! I should find more ways to make you blush!!!

**Conclusion. Another job well done by the Love Master!!! And as I said and Tatsumi said earlier… I would take things slow. After all we're treading soft grounds here… Tatsumi thinks we're moving a little too fast since we're still nursing broken hearts. But I'm willing to give it a try. Everybody deserves happiness and love.**

t.b.c

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A/N:

[1] The experiment I was taking about was the one I made in Could it be any Harder, chapter 3… 

I think I've made this as an indirect sequel to that since I made references to that other fic of mine regarding Tatsumi's infatuation with Tsuzuki as with Watari and Bon and how they went about it…

Hmmm… I don't think this experiment chapter is humor all the way…. I hope that's alright with you….

And please give me some ideas/suggestions on Watari's next experiments!!! I'm running out of ideas!! :)


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